All In: Betting on a Full House (Gambling With Love) Read online

  "Now don’t scare the poor kids," my mom teased.

  "Oh, I'm sure they'll be able to handle things just fine."

  Luckily my dad went with the women to say hello to some of their other friends, and I was thankful for the reprieve.

  "So I guess Jon and Nathan wandered off?" Jess asked.

  "Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're on the hunt for girls," I told her, and she groaned.

  "Oh God. I need to have 'the talk' with him again."

  I laughed. "Baby, you are now a walking example of the talk. I think he knows where babies come from."

  "Someone should have given us the talk a few weeks ago," she said sadly.

  "Hey, please don’t tell me you still regret this."

  "Of course I regret it. I grew up in hell, and have been raising my brother since I was seventeen, doing anything and everything to get by. Now that he's a few years away from graduating, I'm going to have two babies to take care of."

  "Fuck, Jess. I know this isn't what you had planned for your life, but that doesn't mean it can't be a good thing."

  "I've never had a chance to just be on my own, without having the responsibility of taking care of someone else, and now I never will."

  "Wow. You really aren't happy about having them, are you?" I knew she'd wanted to get an abortion because of her parents and the financial stress, but I thought she'd come to terms with everything and changed her mind.

  She climbed down from the back of the SUV and stood in front of me, tears running down her cheeks.

  "I'm going to have them, but no, I don't-"

  "Don't even fucking say it," I warned her before she finished that sentence. "Did I plan on being a father at twenty-one? No, but I want them. They're ours for Christ's sake!"

  "Tyler, not every family is perfect like yours. They won't ever be anything but accidents from an unplanned pregnancy. Do you want to know what it's like to be born into that family? Because I have seventeen years of fucked up stories from that family. Where your dad isn't happy to see you or proud of you, and doesn't love you. Where your mom is a crazy, worthless bitch that knows all the fucked up things your dad does to you and your little brother, but doesn't do anything to stop him because she loves him more than you. Where you watch your dad beat the shit out of your little brother for not making his bed or for getting his shoes dirty. Where your dad forces you to do disgusting things so he can make money off the pictures, and he makes even more money when he lets perverts touch you-" she stopped there with a sob, and I jumped up and wrapped my arms around her.

  A million things were running through my mind. Bile rose in my throat and I felt like I was going to be sick. I'd never heard anything as disturbing as Jess's unexpected outburst. I wanted to find and kill her parents. I wanted to erase all of her and Jon's memories, and take away all of their pain. And I wanted to show her that we were so much more than that, because I cared about her. I was falling in love with her. Then there was the nagging doubt. Doubt that Jess would ever return my love, or love our babies because they'd always be a regret to her. Unwanted. It wouldn't be fair for them, and now I understood why she'd considered ending the pregnancy. She didn't want them to suffer the same way her and Jonathan had.

  "Jess, God, I'm so sorry that's how you and Jonathan were treated. But I swear that I will never hurt you or our kids in any way because I already love them. I want them and I want you."

  I wanted to tell her I loved her but didn't want the first time I said those words to be tainted with her past. She wouldn't believe them right now anyway.

  "But if you don’t … if you can't do this Jess, then let me have them. You can walk away and never look back, because I don’t want you to be unhappy and miserable. You don't deserve that, and you're right, our babies don't deserve that either."

  If anything her sobs only grew worse. I climbed up in the back of the SUV with her so I could comfort her and give us a little more privacy from the tailgaters.

  My parents walked up a few minutes later and started to ask but I shook my head. My mom hesitated, until my dad pulled her along toward the stadium.

  After a while Jess fell asleep in my arms. I didn't know what to do. I was so completely and utterly fucking lost.

  When Jonathan walked up with Nathan I tried to get them to go back to the game but Jonathan refused.

  "What's wrong with her?" he asked, climbing up to sit beside us.

  I looked down at her and tried to figure out what to tell him or not tell him.

  "She freaking out about the babies?" he asked and I nodded.

  "She think she's going to end up repeating our fucked up family?"

  "How'd you know?" I asked.

  "We were accidents. They were accidents," he explained with a shrug. "But she doesn't get that you aren't anything like our father, and she's not our mother. It won't be the same."

  "Yeah."

  "She'd never admit it, but she’s always wanted the fairytale happily ever after, but doesn’t think she deserves it. You know, meet prince charming, fall in love, get married, buy a house, have kids that were planned and wanted, grow old together. The end."

  "I fucked it all up."

  "It's not the order that matters," he said.

  "It's not enough for me to love her. She's always going to think I'm only with her for them, no matter what I say. She'll never marry me because she'll never believe how I actually feel about her. I don't want her to hate us."

  "It's going to take more than words to convince her, and she doesn't hate you."

  "Not yet. In a few years she'll resent the hell out of me, if she even stays with me that long."

  …

  Jess

  Nausea rolled through my stomach and my eyes flew open. I needed a toilet or trash can stat. Shit. I was in Tyler's room at his parents' house, and up and running toward the bathroom. I barely made it before the vomit erupted from me. Tears streamed down my face, my nose was running, and the heaves kept coming so fast I could hardly catch my breath.

  I tried to remember how we got back to Tyler's bed, but was drawing a complete blank. I didn't remember the football game either. I remembered riding with Tyler's mom to the stadium, sitting with Tyler in the back of his SUV, then arguing with him. Oh God, and word vomiting, spilling the disturbing shit I'd never told anyone. Tyler's probably so disgusted he'll never want to touch me again. If only he knew I'd whored myself out when I first started stripping, he'd never look at me again. I remember Lauren telling me how slutty he thought her stripping was. I couldn't imagine how he'd feel about prostitution. Especially since he was a police officer, and it was definitely illegal. Shit, more retching.

  I felt his hands in my hair and wanted to pull away. I didn't want his pity, or sympathy, or anything else. No, that was a lie. I wanted him to love me, and not just want to be with me because I was pregnant or because he was trying to get over Lauren.

  He handed me a wet cloth and I stood up and wiped my mouth and face.

  "Jess, I'm worried about you. You cried for hours, passed out for hours, and haven't had anything to eat or drink in at least twelve hours." He wasn't really worried about me. He'd said that he already loved the babies, but not me. They were his, and I … I wasn't.

  "I'm sure the babies are fine," I assured him.

  "I'm not worried about them, I'm worried about you, damn it!"

  "I'm fine."

  "You're not fucking fine. You're the furthest thing there is from fine. And I wish I knew what to do for you, but I don't have the slightest idea. "

  "I just want to go back to bed."

  He blew out a breath and rubbed his hands over his face. "Please eat something. Anything. Won't that help with the sickness?" He was right of course, but I didn't want to admit it.

  "Fine."

  "What do you think you can you eat?"

  "Maybe some crackers and Sprite?"

  "Come on, I'm sure they've got both of those things in the pantry."

  "Of course they do. Your paren
ts are like sitcom perfect."

  "Yeah, they are. And they like you a lot."

  "Right. They probably think I'm a slut for screwing you five minutes after we got here, and a bitch for bailing on the football game."

  "They don't care about any of that."

  "You didn't tell them … about earlier did you?" I thought in a panic.

  "God no. You're pregnant, everything can be blamed on that. You could murder someone, blame it on the pregnancy hormones, and everyone would just touch your stomach and ask if they could get you ice cream with a side of pickles."

  "Why do you have to be like this, damn it?" I asked him.

  "Like what?"

  "Funny and understanding and sweet and sexy as fuck."

  "Oh, well I can try to be more serious, an asshole and ah, uglier if that's what you want."

  "Yes, that's what I want," I told him and he laughed.

  "Alright, get your ass in the kitchen, woman, and make me a sandwich," he said with a smile, and I couldn't help but laugh. "That wasn't supposed to be funny. I was being serious," he complained.

  "How are you going to accomplish the uglier part?" I asked.

  "I dunno. Get some big glasses, get fat, lose my hair, and wear plaid?"

  "Nope. It's going to take more than that."

  "Now you're just procrastinating," he said before picking me up and cradling me against his chest. "I'll just have to carry you to the kitchen."

  "You won't be able to carry me soon. I'll be too fat."

  "Hush. What do you weigh now? A hundred pounds? You could gain a hundred more and I'll still be able to carry you."

  My arms went around his neck but since he wasn't wearing a shirt I got distracted by his incredible biceps, and ran my hands over them, then down his sculpted chest.

  "Hold on," I told him and he shook his head as he strode across the room.

  "Nope."

  "Please. I need to brush my teeth and get rid of the acid."

  "Fine," he grumbled, turning back around and heading to the sink.

  "Then I want to kiss you."

  "Oh hell yes," he said. Holding me with one arm he put toothpaste on the travel toothbrush I'd laid out earlier and handed it to me. I brushed vigorously then Tyler tipped me sideways toward the sink to spit, which made me laugh.

  "You can put me down. I can walk you know."

  "I don't want to put you down. I want to take care of you. Be there for you. Give you everything you could ever want."

  "I don't want anything," I told him but had to look away from the warmth and sincerity in his eyes.

  "Then let me give you what you need," he said, his fingertips tipping up my jaw, making me look at him.

  "I don't need anything either."

  "You're wrong. You need everything you've always wanted, but never had. A safe home, a happy family, unconditional love."

  "And what do you want?" I asked as the tear ran down my cheek.

  "For you to actually believe me when I tell you that I’m falling in with love you, and for you to feel the same way about me."

  I grabbed his face and pulled his mouth down to mine, melting into a hot, needy puddle of longing. My arms went back around Tyler's neck to hold his lips to mine. He carried me to the bed and laid me down, covering me with his body, never lifting his mouth from mine.

  He must have undressed me earlier when he brought me home, putting me in one of his t-shirts before tucking me into bed. That and panties were all I had on. Tyler was in nothing but boxers, which he quickly discarded before pulling the shirt over my head and my panties down my legs.

  While our kiss deepened he entered me gently, and then made love to me. That was the only way to describe the soft, tender way he held me to him. We weren't urgently and franticly trying to find a release like usual. That wasn't why our bodies were intimately connected in this moment. Our needs weren't physical but emotional. We needed to feel, to use our bodies to show each other how much we cared.

  When I came it was almost overwhelming. Our simultaneous climaxes felt like the joining of our souls, a shift when we suddenly became more - more than a fling, more than a distraction from heartbreak, more than an obligation.

  Looking up into Tyler's eyes I knew without a doubt how he felt about me, and I was certain that he could see just how much I wanted him and needed him.

  "I love you, Jess," he said. "Only you. All of you."

  "I love you, too."

  He kissed me, pulling me under until it felt like the room was spinning and I was floating. When his lips moved down to my neck I gasped for air, and held him to me even tighter. Then he slid lower, kissing across my stomach.

  "We may not have loved each other when we made them, but I love you and these two as much as I would have if we were married and having them years from now. We're not going to be together for them. They're just the ones that helped us realize how good we are together."

  He kissed his way back up until his mouth was on mine again, then pulled away with a smile. "I should've realized it that first night you came home with me. Even though I may have technically still been in the middle of things with Lauren and Caleb, there was nothing and no one else with us when we were in my bed. You're right. I wasn’t drunk, and I remember every amazing second with you. God, you blew my mind. I'm sorry it took so long for me to open my eyes and finally see you."

  "Me too," I told him with a smile.

  "Now, as much as I want to stay in bed with you, kissing you and making love to you, you need to eat," he said, climbing off of me to find my shirt and panties then handing them over. "But after you eat I may not let you sleep until sunrise."

  "Race you to the kitchen," I joked, throwing on my clothes and reaching for the door, but Tyler was right behind me, his hands above my head holding the door shut. His body was pressed against the back of mine, and he was already long and hard again. I squirmed to direct him lower when he rubbed against me.

  "Tyler?"

  "Yeah, baby?"

  "I want you to fuck me right now, and make love to me again later."

  "God yes. Hands on the door and spread 'em," he ordered. His fingers plunged into my sex from behind, making me relax against the door with a moan. His other hand came up and covered my mouth, muffling my sounds while his fingers rubbed my clit. Only his body against mine held me up as all my limbs turned to liquid, and I shuddered through my orgasm. Before the last tremors quaked through me Tyler moved my panties and entered me with a quick thrust forward, banging the door on the hinges, as he moved in and out.

  "Come for me again," he said as his hand sought out and found the spot that caused another explosion.

  "Oh fuck," he groaned, then I felt his hot release fill me. His hand slid away from my mouth and I felt his head lean forward against my shoulder.

  "I think you forgot a condom," I joked, remembering bits and pieces of our drunken hookup, aka "the conception."

  "Shit, I knew I forgot something," he laughed.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Tyler

  After riding an emotional rollercoaster, getting only a few hours of sleep, and then ravishing Jess the rest of the night, I should have been tired. Instead I was wide awake and deliriously happy.

  I strolled into the kitchen around ten o’clock. My mom had laid out a full breakfast buffet, so I went along piling up my plate. Tired I wasn't, but hungry I definitely was.

  I said good morning to everyone already awake and sitting around the dining table, except for Jess who was sound asleep. I couldn't help but smile thinking of how I'd worn her out.

  After I crammed a pancake in my mouth I felt their eyes on me. All of them. "What?" I asked around my mouthful.

  "Jess okay?" Jonathan asked looking worried, and then I remembered the last time all of them saw her she was balling her eyes out or passed out.

  I nodded until I swallowed, then washed down the cake with orange juice. "Yeah, she's great. Those pregnancy hormones can be a bitch, wreaking havoc on her. Sorry
we missed the game," I told my parents, but they didn't seem the least bit upset.

  "Oh, don't worry about it. App lost anyway, so you didn't miss anything," my dad said.

  "Did you guys have fun?" I asked Jon and Nathan.

  "Oh yeah," Nathan said with a grin. "College girls are hot."

  "Yeah, I remember," I laughed. "I went to State for two years."

  "You went to State?" Jon asked.

  "Uh-huh," I told him, shoveling more food in.

  "Why only two years? Party too hard?"

  "Nope, although, I did do my fair share of partying. The first two years were awesome. I was there on a full scholarship, academic not athletic, although I probably could have walked onto the football team. I met a ton of people, joined a frat, and made some great friends. Then I met this girl in chemistry, Stacy Williams, and she was like a genius. She was an all-around sweet girl, that everyone loved, and she wanted to be a pediatrician. One night two thugs kidnapped her from campus, and after taking her money and everything else they wanted, they killed her."

  "Oh damn," Nathan muttered.

  "It was horrible, and she of all people didn't deserve that shit from some worthless assholes. The police caught the idiots a few days later when they tried to use her debit card at an ATM, and now they're serving life sentences. After all that, partying just felt like a waste. Classes felt pointless. I didn't want to sit there for two more years listening to bullshit that I'd never use again, so I dropped out and joined the academy to actually do something. But don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you two shouldn’t go to college. I just realized it wasn't for me, you know?"

  I wasn't sure my parents even knew why I'd dropped out and gave up my scholarship. They probably thought I was out of my mind at the time, but I've never regretted my choice.

  "And we're proud of you for doing what was best for you sweetie," my mom said, reminding me of what Jess had told me the night before. How her parents had never been proud of her, and never loved her and Jonathan.

  "Thanks. For everything," I told them. "So give me the game highlights," I said needing to change the subject.